I ain't no Counselor, but.

Posted on Wed Jul 4th, 2018 @ 10:45pm by Colonel Ellis Ijaan & Lieutenant Commander Gabriel Sharpe

1,639 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: [USS Ottawa] S1, E2: Empok Nor
Timeline: 05/21/2394, 10:30 Hrs

Gabe paced around his workshop, reading each of the screens that covered the bulkheads. He was going through the details of the Ottawa's time spent in another reality.

"It's a wonder any of them made it back." He said to himself as he took in and memorised the details. He couldn't help but notice the irony that while he was back on earth, licking his wounds, while the Ottawa and her Crew were trapped in an amazingly close approximation to hell.

"Well that puts things into focus... my personal hell was nothing by comparison."

He knew Colonel Sheppard was still undecided as to what she was going to do, stay on the ship or resign her commission. It was a place he'd been before and he'd made the wrong choice then, He'd be damned if he was going to watch someone else have to go through that if he could help it.

After reading the details of their 9 year journey through hell, he knew his past experience wasn't even close to the same, but the theory was sound.

He sighed and made his choice. He tapped his Combadge.

"Sharpe to Sheppard, could you join me in my workshop?"


Ellie was in her quarters reading. She was still thinking about what to decide. On one hand she was done with starfleet and not ready to leave, on the other hand she actually enjoyed being back in action. Somehow she wanted to more time to make the decision. Have a little time for herself, heal from what had happened.

When Gabe called her she tapped her badge and said. "On my way Lieutenant." She put the pad aside she was reading and got up from the couch. Jazin had some things to do on the bridge, so she was alone. She left the room and walked trough the hallway to the Turbolift. "Engineeringdeck," she called. It wasn't long for her to arrive to the workshop. She walked in and looked around. "Lieutenant? How can I help you?" She asked.

"Actually I was hoping I could help you." He said, "I know your still in two minds about leaving after what ya went through. I've only read the reports but even I know ya went through hell for a long time. Given that I can understand ya wanting to get away from this life."

Ellie looked surprised. She didn't know this man that long. Haven't been trough what she has been trough she didn't know how he thought he could help her. But she was curious as well. "So, Lieutenant, how did you think you can help me with this difficult decision?"

"Because Colonel, I've been there. I was at the same cross roads two years ago. Granted my experience on Starbase 205 was knowhere near as bad as what ya went through, but the principle is the same. Frankly ya went through worse then I did and ya dealing with it better. I closed myself off, became a recluse and only slept when I 'd driven myself to exhaustion. I saw the faces of the people that I couldn't save everytime I closed my eyes, watched as they floated off into space, believe me, times like that make an Eidetic memory a curse."

Ellie looked to Gabe and swallowed. She then bit her lip. She turned away a bit. "I don't know how many faces you see, but I see the faces of two crews. I don't sleep much because I have nightmares in which I relive those events. Over and over again. I was pulled in to that world and I had no way of leaving that world." She covered her mouth with her left hand then put it on her shoulder. "Nine years we were in that hell." She tried to hold back her tears. "Nine years...no way of escaping, no way of ignoring it...And when we finally did..." She took a deep breath. "I was offered my own command again." She took a few steps around the workshop. "I know the chances of it happening again are slim, and yet, being responsible of so many souls again after coming home from the worse place someone could ever be... you think it sounds so perfect when you first arrive there. Technological advancement...Early establishment of the Federation, Klingons, Romulans, Cardassians part of the Federation...you should have been there, in comparison it's everything the Federation would have dreamed off. But the price..." She fell silent as she was remembering the day she got there.

"Two crews... 37 people doesn't seem all that much afterall… shoulda known this was a bad idea." He said quietly, "But we're here now so i'd better continue."

Gabe walked over to his desk and pulled out a half full bottle of whiskey and two glasses, He poured two drinks and offered one to Sheppard.

Ellie took the drink he offered her and sat down on a nearby chair with it.

Gabe downed the glass in one, realising he was more out of his depth then he thought. I ain't no counsellor he thought to himself, this was a bad idea.

"I can imagine, somethin' like that. It gives ya the chance ta throw the uniform and the responsibility away, lets ya retreat and live a new life away from everything. But it sticks with ya it's always there in the bad of ya head, eatin' away at ya. Doesn't matter where ya run, Ya can hide in the deepest hole in the Galaxy and throw away the hole but in the end it's part of who ya are. Ya can't run ya can't hide, wounds like this don't heal over time. The only thing ya can really do turn around and face it."

With a quick tap of a few buttons, all ten of the monitors switched to the sensor readouts of Starbase 205. The visual image of 37 Starfleet officers floating into deepspace. He winced slightly but kept this eyes on the screens.

"The only way I found to beat something like that is ta own it. Nothing can take it away, nothing can fix it. It's part of who ya are, for good or bad. Ya can't let it win. Remind yaself that ya did what ya could, that's all ya can ever do... let it drive ya instead of breaking ya. It's not easy but then... nothing worthwhile ever is.

Ellie put the drink to her lips as her hands were trembling. She looked at the monitors as her hands started shaking and put the drink down and got up. She turned away from the monitors. She straightened her back. "I am not ready. I barely escaped with a handful of crew. I watched some good people die. Some I heard dying, and some I never seen or heard, but we knew they were dead. What I have seen and lived trough I wouldn't wish upon anyone. Forget the Borg or Dominion. I still don't know how I ended up there or how I got back. It seemed like a mere miracle." She sighed. "Watching your crew die, one by one, or several at a time. In so many ways and helpless to stop it. How can I face that again? How can anyone face that."

"Colonel, it's my belief that if ya truly weren't ready we wouldn't be having this conversation. Ya'd have turned in that uniform and gone... wherever" Gabe replied, shutting down the sensor recording, wondering if he'd overplayed his hand. The screens returned to the Federation seal.

"Ya strong, something like this would have completely broken other people, hell a lot less broke me. But at the end of the day we're all a collection of experiences good and bad. Come to terms with it, as I said before not easy. But ya had no control over what happened ta ya, Ya did everything ya could in a situation that was against ya the entire time.
Yes people died, but do ya truly think they would have wanted ya to quit? Don't let their deaths be in vein Colonel. use that pain to drive you forwards not backwards."

Gabe stepped around his desk. "We can't change the past... all we can do is learn from it."

She looked around trying to keep the tears back but failed. "Lieutenant....you don't understand.. it's not just the memories...it's not the Federation I am trying to run away from...or starfleet." She walked to the monitors. "I am afraid it will happen again."

Gabe nodded, his face passive. He began to think about what to say next. In truth her revelation had knocked him for a loop. Now it made sense, it wasn't the past it was the future.

"That is a possibly I'll admit, but it doesn't matter where ya are, here, Earth, anywhere. It could anywhere, but here at least ya can make a difference, like ya did last time.

Ellie was still looking at the monitors. She was trembling and shaking a little. She then saw a dark shadow move rapidly past the monitors. She followed it quickly. She shook her head. This wasn't possible, she was seeing things. It was the only explanation. But being on her toes for so long made her suspicious all the time. She looked around the room.

She then saw the shadow move right for her. She closed her eyes and then they shot open and they were very dark. She turned to Gabe. She held up her hand towards him. "Gabriel..." She said with a dark voice. She put her hands on his face "Umbra has come for you. Be with me." Ellies eyes turned back to normal and she let Gabe go. She looked up scared at Gabe. "She is here. She's here." She put her hands on her mouth.

 

RSS Feed